Tuesday, December 02, 2014
What's Next? -- Some thoughts on the Advent Police
I do think Advent is a very important season, however, and we need to practice it more and better. Advent is the season of expectation, of hope, of wonder, of longing. It's the time that we wait not only for the coming of the Christ-child at Christmas--the incarnation of the invincible God as vulnerable human baby--but also expecting the second coming of the incarnation, the coming of the Kingdom of God that Jesus proclaimed was near (more thoughts on what that second coming looks like later).
In our hyper-driven, you-must-be-busy-to-be, instant gratification society we have lost the ability to wait. We have lost our capacity for anticipation. We no longer know how to long for something. It is very important that we practice longing because it fuels our dis-satisfaction. We are not supposed to be satisfied by the world as it is; rather we are to long for and thus be motivated to help incarnate the world as it should be.
Here's where the second coming comes in. We have gotten too fixated on the symbolic language of the second coming in modern Christianity and have forgotten the incarnational language of the second coming. While the scriptures talk of Jesus coming on clouds from East, they also speak of the church as the Body of Christ, the physical manifestation of Christ's presence here and now in Christian community. The second coming is as much about the second chapter of the book of Acts as it is about the book of the Revelation. The Second Coming is when the Kingdom of God is incarnate in the peaceful and just society foretold by the prophets and by Jesus.
Therefore longing, hoping, waiting with growing expectation, is important. It's important because it makes our frustration with the fallen principalities and powers ever greater. It makes us cry out "How long, oh Lord, how long." It drives our unrest to the point that we can no long sit but must act-- economically, socially, and yes even politically, but always peacefully--to bring about the kingdom the diverse, beautiful, just kingdom, where all have enough and no one is denied justice.
Advent is also the Christian New Year. So this Advent I hope and I challenge you to make a New Year's resolution to make time for waiting. Literally sit and wait. Survey the world around you and note where you would like God to come into it. Then pray that God move you into that space to be the body and blood of Christ for that space.
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Our North Star
Friday, August 15, 2014
On Robin Williams and Depression
My favorite Robin Williams interview was when he was on Inside the Actor's Studio. Robin was so hilarious that one person from the audience actually had to be taken to the hospital. She apparently laughed so hard she got a hernia.
However, when I watched the episode, I remember thinking wow, he just made us laugh for two hours but revealed extremely little about himself. The interview was longer than the episode. Apparently they cut down what was a four of five hour interview into two hours. They couldn't get it down to the normal one hour. So he managed for hours to keep people laughing and rarely revealed anything about himself. I guess the humor was his was of hiding the pain. Often with depression or any other mental illness, as a person's ability to make healthy choices decreases their ability to hide the illness increases.
There have been a lot of posts on social media encouraging people to get help if they need it. I even made such a post myself. But there is still a lot of stigma about getting help. I know it exists because it stopped me from getting help for a long time.
For about 3 quarters of the last year I have been seeing a therapist. Beyond my Senior Warden and Bishop, I have told very few people in my congregation or diocese. I haven't told people partly because I didn't want their pity or their worry. Mainly, however, I was concerned about how it would effect my ability to lead. Would people trust a priest that was being treated for mental illness? (I guess we'll find out now.) But I decided to share this because the stigma needs to be removed, and it will only be removed with greater understanding of mental illness. Mental illness is a medical problem. For me to lead my congregation I need to be healthy, and it is responsibility of leadership for me to take care of myself. I try to eat right and exercise to maintain my physical health, and when I am physically ill I see a doctor. Mental health is no different. I have a responsibility to maintain my mental health so that I can be the best priest, husband, dad, citizen, blogger, preacher, composer, leader and so forth that I can be. So, just as I go to a doctor when I have the flu, I go to a doctor for my depression and anxiety too.
The rub though is that it easier to know I need to see a doctor when I have the flu. When the mind is the diseased organ its harder. That's where we start having a responsibility to care for each other, to avoid denial, and to not be fooled by evasive humor.
I encourage us all to learn more about mental illness. I encourage us all to be vigilant in caring for our friends and family learning to look beyond the coping mechanisms so we can address the real problems. And if you need help, if you are making a plan or setting a date to harm yourself or others, please call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255. You are not alone.
Friday, April 04, 2014
fridayTwelveTone;
So, I am continuing to explore superCollider. I was playing around with it a bit tonight mainly working on how to schedule events/notes/sounds and such. I decided to do a twelve-tone piece. It isn't serial in that the pitches aren't repeated in a set order; rather a random generator is spitting out the 12 pitches three times. First time through is from A3 to A4; second is E4 to E5; and finally A3 to A4 again. Definitely, this is more of an exploration than an aesthetic achievement, but expiration is the fun part of composing anyway.
Here's the code:
(
SynthDef(\sine, {
arg freq1=57, freq2=69;
var out;
out = SinOsc.ar(Rand(freq1,freq2).midicps, 0, 0.1);
out = (out + FreeVerb.ar(out, 0.44, 0.7));
out = out*Line.kr(0.5, 0, 1, mul:3, doneAction:2);
Out.ar(0, Pan2.ar(out));
}).add;
)
(
SynthDef(\woosh, {
var out;
out = PinkNoise.ar(EnvGen.kr(Env.perc(0.01, 1), doneAction: 2));
out = (out + FreeVerb2.ar(out, out, 0.7, 1))*0.07;
Out.ar(0, Pan2.ar(out, 0)
)
}).add
)
s.prepareForRecord;
s.record;
(
var t_c = TempoClock.default;
t_c.tempo_(1);
t_c.sched(1, {Routine({
12.do({
Synth.new(\woosh); 3.0.wait;
})
}).play};
);
t_c.tempo_(4);
t_c.sched(1, {Routine({
12.do({
Synth.new(\sine); 1.0.wait;
})
}).play};
);
t_c.sched(12, {Routine({
12.do({
Synth.new(\sine, [\freq1, 64, \freq2, 76]); 1.0.wait;
})
}).play};
);
t_c.sched(24, {Routine({
12.do({
Synth.new(\sine); 1.0.wait;
})
}).play};
);
)
s.stopRecording;
Sunday, March 30, 2014
SuperCollider Etude No. 1
I have recently begun to learn SuperCollider, an audio synthesis and music composition programming language/environment. This is my first complete etude using it. I cannot by any means claim it to be my most sophisticated composition. However, it is a lot of fun to have a new outlet for my creativity. I hope you enjoy.
For those interested, below is the code. I broke it into two main sections: instruments, and loops. I built 4 instruments:
- a kick drum,
- a wind sound which starts like a rushing wind and ends sounding like a nail scraped across a gong. I called this one woosh (not very creative maybe, but it's descriptive.)
- a lead synth pad with a built in glissando
- a woodblock with a random feature on the timbre so the sound randomly changes on a continuum between a woodblock and a crotale.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Unbinding the Gospel Reflection no. 1
This week a very large portion of the Church of the Resurrection begins the Unbinding the Gospel E-vent, our Lenten Bible Study and Small Group program. We are reading the book Unbinding your Heart by Martha Grace Reese, individually praying the forty day prayer journal, and meeting in small groups for prayer and discussion.
Tonight, I was doing the first journal exercise, and it asked to remember all the times God has been present with me, blessed me, challenged me, healed me, or guided me. At first, I didn't think I would come up with much. In my heart of hearts, I confess, I often wonder why God would bother being with lowly me. But I took a breath and followed the book's advice to ask God what I needed to remember. After some silence I started listing and soon the couple of inches of space for writing was completely filled. I had to move on to the margins and kept listing events and names of people. Name after name of people from the Church of the Resurrection, from camp, from college, seminary and home. I couldn't help but at the end realize just how often God has been present with me, and ministered to me through faithful people around me. It simply goes to reason that if this has happened before, then it will happen again. God is at work in and through me, in and through all of us at the Church of the Resurrection, and in and through North Omaha.
I could not help but write at the top of the page in big letters when I finished, "WHAT'S NEXT?"
I am overwhelmed with excitement for what God is going to do next in and through the Church of the Resurrection. Buckle your seat belts, my friends, something big is coming. God is at work!
Monday, July 09, 2012
Reconciliation at GC77
Moments ago the House of Deputies concurred with the House of Bishops on two resolutions involving equality for transgendered people: one to extend equal place in the church and the other to open the ordination process to the transgendered.
There are hosts of reasons to agree or disagree with these resolutions but I wanted to tell you why I voted to approve them.
I voted yes because I am a sinner. I often feel more than discomfort in the presence of transgendered people. It is sinful of me to be disconnected from fellow children of God. It was important for me to vote yes for these resolutions to open up hope that those like me will have a chance to get to know and make connections with transgendered members of our congregations. I pray that Jesus may work through those relationships to heal me of my sin and reconcile me with both himself and my transgendered brothers and sisters.
I am proud that my church challenges even me, a member of its clergy, to confront my sin and expand my understanding of God's love.
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Crazy Christians and Alice's Rabbit hole.
This morning the Rt. Rev. Michael Curry preached with passion and eloquence that we need some Crazy Christians: crazy like Christ, crazy like Mary Magdelene, crazy like Harriet Beecher Stowe.
This afternoon in the House of Deputies we were certainly crazy, but I'm not sure we were crazy like the Bishop called for. There is a massive energy to reform the structures of the church, but there is an attitude of "let's make changes but don't touch (insert sacred cow here). There was an attempt in the HoD to codify a ministry office of the Church Center in the rules of order of the House. No ministry office should be defined in the rules of order because then that office has to exist.
Sadly this was an end run around the conversation on structure. Worse still, the office was that of youth ministry. In other words the house was trying to work out our issues on the backs of children. It made me sad.
But God is good and the spirit moved pulling out of Alice's rabbit hole. Through the legislative procedure we were able to return the resolution back to committee. It is doubtful we will see it again.
We need to minister with children and form children and youth to minister as well. We need to restructure the church too. We, however, can be faithful and risk a healthy prayerful conversation on the whole list of ministry offices. We need not do an end run to protect one office over the other. We especially need not do it on the backs of children.
I'm still inspired by being my experience here. If God can work thought he convoluted rules of legislative procedure, then God can work though all human disfunction.
Friday, July 06, 2012
Nebraska Night
The deputation of the diocese of Nebraska, representatives from Nebraska to ECW, and friends went out for a wonderful dinner last night at a small local pizzeria called Amici's. The fellowship and camaraderie we share is invaluable. It develops our viewpoints on the issues we are dealing with and cultivates relationships of trust with each other; all of which allows us to disagree and debate the issues with each other healthily and honestly. I am honored beyond measure to be a part of this prayerful and diligent deputation.
Later, I had a wonderful discussion with our Bishop about the theology of open communion, the theology of confirmation (especially adult confirmation) and the theology of forming priests for the church. Again these are all issues we are dealing with at this convention and it was great to get his insights.
But the highlight of the day happened earlier in the morning. We had the opening communion of the convention and the opening hymn was Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee. If you can imagine 2000+ Episcopal Church Geeks belting out that hymn in four part harmony with the agogic accent, then you can imagine what heaven will be like. It was glorious!!!
Scripture I was reminded of yesterday: “Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you." Matthew 7:7
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
Sparring partners
Two great quotes from the Presiding Bishop and the President of the House of Deputies today.
The presiding bishop in her opening address to theconvention said that we should, "make connections with our sparring partners..." a lot of her speech was about how we should remain open to the spirit speaking through those that disagree with us. Great words for both convention and life.
The president of the House of Deputies said that the choice between mission and governance was a false dichotomy. I agree. The late great Walter Wink wrote a lot about chosing Jesus' third way when presented with only two options. I hope that I and my fellow deputies keep looking for that third way and deny the host of false dichotomies we will deal with this week.
Bible verse I thought of today: At destruction and famine you shall laugh, and shall not fear the wild animals of the earth, Job 5:22. I hope that we laugh in the face of our fears in regards to scarcity and look for the abundance of God.
Tuesday, July 03, 2012
Your Eyes Will Soon Be Opened...
I arrived in Indianapolis this morning for the 77th General Convention of the Episcopal Church. I was greeted by my one of my best friends from seminary, the Rev. Matthew Stewart. He's here working as an editor of the newsletter of the Consultation, a federation of several advocacy groups who also put out a newsletter every day of Gen. Con.
I spent the day helping set up the booth for the Episcopal Service Corps and then manning the booth when the exhibit hall opened. I serve on the board of the Episcopal service Corps. We are here to raise awareness of our mission, and to advocate for young adult leadership of the church. You can read more about the Episcopal service Corps here.
Later, Matt and I went to dinner at P.F. Chang's, and, as is the custom at a lot of American Asian restaurants, they gave us a fortune cookie at the end of our meal. Mine read, "Your eyes will soon be opened to a world full of beauty, charm, and adventure." Well, I certainly hope that is the case. It would be nice for the governance of the church to be beautiful, charming, and adventurous. Sadly, even though I am a first time deputy, I've been around the church long enough to know that governance can become ugly, spiteful, or worse, dull. We shall see what we get, but I am going to try and choose my attitude and look for beauty, charm, and adventure.
I was reminded of a bible verse from the Epistle of James today: "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world."(James 1:27 NRSV). It is my fervent prayer that for the next 9 days the religion of the 77th General Convention will be pure indeed.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
"Son of a Preacher Man"
I am very proud to have grown up the son of a preacher man. My dad taught me how to preach. I don't remember specific sermons of his that well, but I absorbed how a sermon should flow logically from him. Unconsciously took in lessons on delivery and flow; how to be comfortable in the pulpit; how to speak loud enough for everyone to hear but not to sound like you are yelling at people; also when to whisper and when to let the fire loose. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't know what to do in the pulpit.
Despite what I learned from dad, the Southern Baptist world and worldview just weren't for me. I never really fit in, and looking back I think we all knew it. By the time I got to college I was pretty burnt out on church and church people for that matter. I had been more than active over the years in everything from summer camp and vacation bible school to singing in Christmas programs and the choir. I had to wear a bear suit for one of the Christmas programs. What a bear has to do with the birth of the Jesus in 1st century Palestine still alludes me. Anyway, like many a college student I stopped going to church all together. I called it time off for good behavior.
Over the first two years of college, two things pointed me toward the Episcopal Church. Near the end of my first semester, my fraternity big brother told me to show up at the front of the music building and dress nice. Since I was a pledge at the time, I said, "yes sir," put on my best Huxtable Sweater, and showed on time. We jumped in his car and drove to Sewannee, the University of the South, and attended the Lessons and Carols service offered by the university choir in their glorious stone Gothic style chapel. I had never been to a Lessons and Carols service. The choral music was stunning, and it was a marvel to me for the readings to just be scripture. That they would let the scriptures speak for themselves with out some man standing up and for 45 minutes tell you what the 30 second reading meant was complete foreign to me. Plus, there was this starwberry blond in the soprano section that I swear had the voice of an angel and I fell in love with her. Never met her or even found out her name, but I swear for that hour and a half I was enthralled. This was my first experience of the Episcopal church.
Next, what pointed toward the Anglican world was a persistent invitation. I had a friend, Jessica Dunnavant, that kept telling me that I was an Episcopalian and I just didn't know it yet. I had no idea what an Episcopalian was, but since it involved church I was not interested.
She kept bugging me about it, and finally I relented and went with her to the Episcopal Campus Ministry at St. Paul's Episcopal Church in Murfreesboro Tennessee. I expected to show up and sit in rows of folding chairs and have some man tell us what the bible meant. Instead we cooked dinner together, sat around a table and talked. We got to know each other and shared prayer concerns. It was comfortable and accepting; so, I came back. It was a month before I went to Sunday service with her at St. Paul's but, again, I was enthralled with the music and moved by the liturgy. The worship wasn't centered around the preacher. It was centered around the Eucharist, or the Lord's Supper as we called it down home. For some reason, and I could not articulate it at the time, this made the worship more about God, and pointed me toward God. It made worship more of a verb, something I did instead of something I watched or merely attended.
I became more and more active over the years, until finally my last semester of College I was at church four times a week, a long way from freshman year of not going at all. I was confirmed that May and then in September moved to Cincinnati to start Graduate School.
In Ohio, I couldn't find an Episcopal Campus ministry, so I ended up going to a Lutheran one. I knew even less about the Lutheran Church, but next thing I know I am working as a summer camp counselor for Lutheran Outdoor Ministries of Ohio (LOMO for Short). Two things happened that summer: I learned I could preach and I met Jodie who is now my wife of 8 years.
As I approached the end of my Master's Degree studies, I began to be more than a little burnt out on academic life, especially the academic music world. I was still applying to Doctorate Programs for music, ignoring the gift for preaching I had uncovered the previous summer, but something just wasn't right.
On the day I applied to the doctorate program at CCM, as I was licking the envelope, I got an email from my old campus pastor from Tennessee who was by then working near Omaha, NE. He told me of a new program in Omaha called Resurrection House for folks considering ministry in the Episcopal Church. I couldn't help but consider that a swift kick of Christian love from God that I needed to recognize the preaching gift and follow God not me. So, off to Nebraska I went. It didn't take too long before God slapped me again with a "alright you followed me to the land of corn, why won't you following me to ordination too." Next thing I know the diocese of Nebraska is sending me to Seminary, then I'm married, then ordained, and things keep moving faster and faster.
The short version is I kept praying for God to show me what to do, and God kept slapping me on the head going, "I am showing you! Pay better attention!" (no pun intended with "I am") I hope you enjoyed my story, and may God always give you a swift kick of Christian Love when you need it.
General Convention introduction
Friday, January 13, 2012
Lent is Coming!!!!!!
A friend of mine asked me earlier this week what I thought about lenten fasts, the practice of giving up something for lent. She asked,
I'm asking this of a few people whose theological opinions I highly value: What are your thoughts on giving up something for Lent that you plan to start doing again on Easter morning? (giving up coffee for those 40 days, but no plan to permanently stop drinking coffee)
In a traditional sense a fast of any type is time limited. That is to say, you practice it for awhile and then break the fast at the end. As you are probably guessing at this point this is where we get the term Breakfast to refer to the first meal of the day. We "fast" from eating while we sleep and then break the fast upon awakening. The same goes for lent. You fast from something--chocolate, alcohol, and tv are the most popular, I think--and then upon Easter return to it. So, fasting is different then a New Year's resolution. It isn't about changing a behavior permanently, but about doing without something in order to experience one of the following things:
- A sense of clarity: often times when we fast, especially from food, once we get over the initial hunger, we can experience a clarity of mind that allows for extra focus, creativity, and inspiration. Actually, this is what I think was going on with Jesus fasting in the wilderness after his Baptism, which, by the way, is one of the stories at the root of Lent.
- Make space for God:related to the first one, sometimes when we fast we clear a bit of mental and/or physical space for God to be present with us. Now, I should enforce that God is always present with us, but we have an unlimited ability to put stuff between us and God: distractions, material things that must be maintained, and noise.
- A deeper understanding of longing:When we fast, and this is especially true for most folks in middle and upper class America, we actually do without something. We really aren't use to that in our culture of instant gratification. So, fasting can let us identify with longing, desire, hunger, and need. Not getting into the Social Justice ramifications, which are many and important, it can help us identify with what it was like for the earliest disciples to have to long for and wait in wonder and fear from the Crucifixion to the Resurrection, from Good Friday to Easter.
Ultimately, like any spiritual discipline it comes down to motives. If you are truly seeking a closer relationship with God then a fast will be beneficial regardless of whether you break the fast at the end of lent or not. If you have some other motivation, like being a spiritual show off (see Luke 20:46-47) then it won't be beneficial no matter how long you keep it going.
Fasts should be entered into prayerfully. Spend the season of Epiphany in prayer about what you can fast from or a practice you could take on that would draw you closer to God. God will let you know the best action to take. Also, breaking the fast on Easter can be a holy and wonderful celebration of the deliverance from the powers that be that we receive in the Resurrection. However, if you get to Easter and find that what you have given up is better left out of your life, that can be holy as well.
May you have a blessed and holy Lent that aids your journey toward Easter.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
This Little Light of Mine - Episcopal Church of the Resurrection Omaha
Friday, September 02, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Supporting Resurrection House
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Easter 4.AVI
So,I had my first draft complete and was fairly happy with it. I decided to close out the program and let the sermon sit for a bit before I went back to fix typos and such. Well, as it would have it, when I closed out the program I hit "discard" instead of "save". Unlike every other sermon I have written in the last 10 years, I had not saved frequently as I went. Needless to say, I freaked out and almost chucked my computer through the stained glass windows of my office. Luckily, I didn't it, because folks are pretty fond of those stained glass windows. Anyway, after leaving the building, getting some lunch, and clearing my head a bit, I got a hold of one of vestry members who is a computer expert and he helped find and undelete the file. At this point, I am thinking that I now have a sermon illustration for the Resurrection to use at a latter date, which would be a really cool bonus to the drama of losing the sermon. Alas, this was not to be, because though we found the file, it was so corrupted that the text was illegible. In the words of my vestry member, "Yeah, you're screwed." So, I went back to the outline in the mind mapping software, amplified it a little bit, and preached from that. Some of my colleagues thought that maybe the holy spirit was involved in the whole drama, but I have my doubts. You can watch it here let me know if you think the spirit was involved.